


Ever Thine - Obey Me

by Wingedmaiven



Series: Devildom Consort Series [22]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, Pining, True Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25930786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wingedmaiven/pseuds/Wingedmaiven
Summary: A Letter Lucifer never sent during the year long period of Rosa's absence.  First person point of view.
Relationships: Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Series: Devildom Consort Series [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040346
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	Ever Thine - Obey Me

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, another piece I've thought about for some time and figured was due to write out. This piece would take place before Celestial Bodies, for those who are reading my body of work. It is in the first person narrative, a letter, written by Lucifer. A letter he never intended to send. Some much needed angst from this character. 
> 
> Thank you all once more for your support, I appreciate it.

**Ever Thine**

I have reconciled with the truth. 

_You will never see this letter._

I write it in a state of impatience, of need. 

I write this because I cannot tell you, because I do not wish to tell you. Yet, I cannot see myself speaking of it with anyone else. I cannot see anyone understanding the pain your absence causes me. No, not even my brothers. They love you, yes, I can confirm this, but, I love you best, I know you know this, else you would not have made me your first. 

Every day, every moment where I am not in the circles, buried in work, my mind goes to you. My mind goes back to the taste of your lips, the scent of your breath. Nearly a year, and I can still taste you. 

Recalling the look upon your face when it was time for you to leave my side, riddles me with anguish. Feeling the hesitation in your hands as it pained you to part from me. You will never know, _never_ , how much it meant to me. 

I suppose part of this crazed impatience is knowing nobody has ever loved me like you. You were given a choice and your choice was _me_. How do I tell you how much it broke my heart? _How do I reconcile with your absence because of your love of me?_

I was angry for some months. I was not sure if it was anger with your decision, or anger at myself for failing to control my emotions. 

It seems a foolish, selfish feeling, nonetheless, it consumes me. 

The kiss we shared before you left, I gave you with a promise. I did not tell you, I dared not speak. I didn’t trust myself; I didn’t trust those around me to keep me from you if I spoke up. If going to the last realm I ever wish to revisit meant you came back to me now, I am at the point, beloved, where I would simply demand they get out of my way. 

I know I cannot do this. I know you are there for a purpose, a purpose I under normal circumstances would rightly approve. Giving you up after Solomon took you from me, was never in my plans. My only regret that morning was not taking all of Michael’s wings. 

I look at the two now, displayed over my mantle in my study, pinned like the insect he became. I would give them back if it brought you back to me. The months since your departure have turned into inky darkness within me, bleeding from one week to the next. Marking the slow passage of time without once letting me forget the absence of your body beside mine when I sleep. 

I look at your wedding bouquet I have since moved from our bedroom to my study. I cannot weather the bedroom any longer. I tried. I would have laughed had I the strength the first night I woke to a nightmare of feeling you beside me, calling my name. I woke because of the panic in your voice, only for me to wake and realize it was my own I heard in the dead of sleep. 

Working myself into exhaustion did little to help me. Walking into that room became a trial, forcing me to steel myself before entering. The scent of your soap, your lotions, it lingered. When you were here; it was a selfish pleasure of mine. No room save mine ever carried your scent. Every evening when I walked in, it welcomed me like the arms of my lover, even when you were not there. 

Now, it was nothing more than a set of shackles, keeping me from resting, from peace. I brought the bouquet here so I can look upon it without the commitment of walking into the bedroom. Mammon sometimes comes in, and despite talking to me, his eyes remain on it. For once in our long lives, I do not care for his inattentiveness. 

I do not care as I fear he look too closely and see that I am breaking apart. Yet, I somehow know he is aware because he is careful not to mention you. Even as I write this now, I stop and look at that bouquet. I have inspected it dozens of times. At the time you carried it I had no clue you put it together yourself. 

I find out from Amanda she helped you put it together with Isabel. To you this was a labor of love, put together with the women who helped me keep you. It may as well take the grimoire’s place because it holds me to you, just as tightly as you held the bouquet the day you became mine. 

I cannot walk into RAD any longer, I cannot look upon your sister as she reminds me far too much of you. Her laughter, the few times I was in the House to hear it, twice filled my heart with hope, thinking it was yours. _I cannot take it._

I left her, beloved. I left her in Mammon’s care. I promised you I would care for her, and I promise you I watch over her still. I simply cannot do it in proximity to her, beloved, my heart cannot take it. I say this with a sense of shame; I gave you my word, but I know you. I know you enough to know you will understand.

I am more certain than ever; you will be gone for the better part of a year. 

I feel a darkness within me growing, a piece of me, I, under normal circumstances, can handle without a single problem. Now? I care not if I unleash it. I have changed, this darkness leaving its mark on me permanently, a feral, hungry part of me eats away at my need to rationalize and weigh my options logically. 

I know I am a different demon, a different being than those around me, from the one you remember. I knew this from the start. I do not know where this will lead me; I only know the finish line comes with you. I await you, shrouded in the shadows you once feared, guarding what little of my heart you left with me, for the rest lays with you. 

For the good of the realms around me, I await your return, whole, beautifully alight with the love you so readily gave me. Anything short, and they will rue the day they crossed me. 

_I love you…_

Ever Thine,

_Lucifer_


End file.
